Oh you guys, this pose.
This pose is so magnificent.
I highly recommend you do it. It’s the Inverted Lake pose, also called the Legs Up Wall pose. In just 3 minutes it made me feel like a whole new person. I can’t emphasize this one enough!!!
http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/690
I have to admit, I have an addiction. To guilt.
I rarely play the victim card (or at least I hope I avoid it), but in my head, a lot of the time, I wallow. I’ve wallowed in self-pity, in anger, and most of all, in guilt.
In fact, I’ve spent more time wallowing in guilt than making efforts to ebb the causes of the guilt. It’s ridiculous, really. The apartment’s not clean? Guilt. No job? Guilt. Car is broken? Guilt. Wallow. Pity. Shame.
I think it’s taken months and months (as well as several summers) of unemployment to get me to realize how to fix this. I’ve given up on feeling guilty. I’ve given up on avoidance.
A lot of this is coming to terms with who I am. I am a little lazy, and a lot scared. Scared something is going to go wrong, scared I’ll screw it up, scared I won’t get the job.
And well, I accept that. I accept that I’m scared and that it’s just that much harder to get me motivated. And somehow, I don’t know, just accepting it made it that much easier to actually DO the things that cause the guilt. There are fewer steps in the routine. It used to be 1. Have a task. 2. Feel guilty about not doing it. 3. Feel more guilty the next day. 4. Feel more guilty the next day. 5. Start thinking about doing it. 6. Maybe finally start on it. 7. More guilt. 8. Maybe work some more. 9-21. Guilt. 22. Finish!
I’ve eliminated nearly ALL of the steps!
Since doing this, too, I’ve started recognizing the guilt in other people. It’s in blog entries and status updates and the grocery store. My Mom does it, my friends do it. They “haven’t gotten around to it yet,” and “feel terrible it hasn’t been done.”
But you know what? A lot of those things aren’t necessary to life, like doing your laundry right away on a schedule, or cooking every meal, or not having turned in that one application yet, or having all your dishes done when they’re supposed to be, or exercising yesterday morning.
Forget that. Those are USELESS reasons to feel bad about yourself! The point is, do what the EFF you want to do! Get that done! I just have to stop letting guilt get in the way of my day.
So, November is National Blog Posting Month, so I thought I’d get back on here and post some progress.
Since I started on MyFitnessPal, I’ve been able to hit at least enough calories to get me through the day, if not enough to help me in my goal to gain weight healthfully.
A few days ago I came down with a cold, so that has me dragging. I have the spins and dizziness in the morning, a sore throat all day. Let’s hope it’s just that and it’ll be on its way out soon. I’ve been loading up on Vitamin C and soups galore. My past four meals were soup. lol! I just crave it, probably more for the soothing broth on my throat than for the salts and hydration.
I really enjoy the MyFitnessPal website and its support system. Definitely would recommend to anyone trying to get in shape or lose weight.
My goal for NaBloPoMo isn’t about weight, though, but more about employment. In the next couple weeks I NEED a new job, don’t care what it is. If I don’t have interviews by the end of the week come punch me.
Today I joined MyFitnessPal to help me track calories and make sure I’m eating enough. As of late, with being poor, I justify myself not eating. I don’t eat breakfast, and lately I’ve been skipping lunch and just eating a regular-sized dinner.
Yesterday, thanks to snacking, I had 1200 calories. My basal metabolic rate (for JUST having my organs function) is 1255 calories. So, yeah. Also, 500 calories of what I ate yesterday was JUST desserts! So not only am I looking to eat enough, but to make sure what I eat is the good stuff.
Why being underweight is scary:
With MyFitnessPal, I’m excited, because not only do I get to track calories, but it tells me how many I need in conjunction with a healthy exercise regimen (as opposed to an excessive one).
I went running today. This reaffirmed two things:
I might have to stick with bicycles and yoga. What exercises do you enjoy?
Is it sad I want an iPhone *just* because I want to record distance running and cycling via GPS?
I think I can reduce my difficulty eating enough in a day to three non-mental issues:
1) Eating slow. I have this thing about chewing before I swallow. Strange, right? Friends can finish eating before I’m halfway done, which usually means they can fit twice as much in before their stomachs say stop.
2) Teensy stomach. It’s a chicken-or-egg situation with Reason #1. I try to eat ginormous meals to stretch it out, and if I keep going at it for like a week straight (like Thanksgiving and Christmas) eventually my stomach gets the idea. It only takes about two days to revert back to teensy stomach though.
3) Meal times. Corey gets hungry at 2 pm and 8 pm. I get hungry at 12 pm, 5 pm, and 10 pm. Usually I just wait until he’s hungry since I’m never hanging out at home for casual snacking.
Solution:
MOAR small meals. I think this effectively solves problems 1-3 so I can get enough calories in without stretching out my stomach with the full-to-bursting feeling I hate so much. I was thinking maybe just adding in another meal at around 4pm to my 3 regular daily meals. This might solve all the issues I have with afternoon hunger while I’m waiting for Corey to get hungry.
Basically - eat when I’m hungry.
This is easier said than done as I never spend time at my own house around my food, which is part of the problem. I hate eating in front of others when I’m not planning to share.
Yesterday was terribly windy, but today is the FIRST flip-flop day of the spring! :D
And tomorrow it’s supposed to snow.
BAH. So far so good today for food. I had a great sandwich for lunch, a banana, and some juice. Dinner is yet to be determined, but I might do chicken and rice again. I finally hit the store last night for some bread and tortillas so I have 10,000 more food options.
Yesterday I played soccer tennis (a parking lot soccer juggling game) with the guys, and it wasn’t so much the running as the impact but my joints were MAD last night. I’d love to play tons more of that game though.
I’ve been eating great the past few days. Saturday Corey and I made chili, so I ate some of that Sunday and then had a big burrito fest for dinner. Yesterday it was rice and chicken for lunch, then my friend bought me dinner. Today I had leftover chili for lunch and some rice and applesauce. All throughout I’ve been snacking on bananas (out again).
I also finally went to the health food store to take my milk bottles in and buy some more. Turns out that the discount for the bottles was so much I bought three pears for FREE! Technically I owe them 36 cents and they told me not to pay.
It’s very relieving to have a little food in the fridge again, even if it’s just applesauce and burrito ingredients. I hate the guilt of going out to eat when I have such zero moneys.
As far as exercise goes, I didn’t do any yesterday. It’s VERY windy out, 40mph gusts, which limits my motivation for going out. No excuses, though. I finally put a bunch of my YogAmazing podcasts back on my iPod so I can do those now! It’s nice to have a variety from my other videos.
Today I played tennis for about an hour, a bit of soccer, and went swimming.
RIGHT ON. One step in the right direction.